The Walking Dead, Season 5, Episode 5, “Self Help”

“Self Help”

(All images used in this post are screen caps from AMC’s The Walking Dead, unless otherwise specified.)

The Walking Dead’s Season 5, Episode 5, “Self Help” begins with a shot of the white church shortbus from Father Gabriel’s church, chugging noisily (and somewhat unevenly) down a quiet country road.  The sound of gospel music pours out the bus windows.

Seems like, these days, a vehicle with a working CD player, and some CD's, would be one of the few opportunities to rock out to some tunes...sad times, these!

Seems like, these days, a vehicle with a working CD player, and some CD’s, would be one of the few opportunities to rock out to some tunes…sad times, these!

We see Abraham’s hands on the steering wheel.

It's pretty clear who's driving this bus...

It’s pretty clear who’s driving this bus…

Abraham practically purrs while Rosita plays with his hair, remarking,

Abraham practically purrs while Rosita plays with his hair…she remarks, “It’s getting a little messy, for you.” Abraham smiles, says, “I’m getting ready for retirement, relaxing the grooming standards,” while Eugene looks on, seeming very ill at ease, from the back of the bus.

Abraham continues that maybe he’ll become a “plumber, sheep herder, something like that,” causing Rosita to chime in, “We ain’t herding sheep now, Abraham, eyes on the prize.” This sweet affirmation of their lasting union, a brighter future for Rosita and Abraham, together, makes Abraham’s smile deepen and his eyes twinkle.

He nods, “Damn right…that’s my girl.”  Abraham smiles a moment at the road, then adds, to Rosita, “Maybe I’ll let you shave me down, all over…dolphin smooth!”

dolphin smooth

This hilarious Abrahamism had #dolphinsmooth trending worldwide by the time Talking Dead ended. Rosita laughs, tells Abraham she’ll “cut it for you tonight.” “Yes ma’am!” Abraham replies, with a knowing smile.

Tara turns to Eugene, quips, “Hey, uh, maybe Rosita can give you a trim while she’s at it…party’s getting a little long in the back.

Ha!  There is definitely some fun banter bouncing around in that short bus, already; and then, Tara goes and ups the funny by officially calling Open Season on Eugene’s Mullet.

When Eugene doesn’t respond, Tara adds, “Unless it’s your source of power!

The Source of Power

the Source of Power

Now, before we go further into this recap, I would like to take a moment to address this whole Eugene Mullet situation. Eugene’s mullet has taken pop culture by storm, and attention must be paid.

I, like all of you, am obsessed with Eugene’s mullet, have been ever since I first laid eyes on it, and as many of you know, I have made several mentions of it in my posts. I even named it “The Eugene.”  I contemplated writing sonnets in its honor, but honestly, who has time?

Last night, after watching “Self Help,” I dreamed about Eugene and his mullet. No lie. I really did.  Fleeting moments and recurring images of Eugene and his mullet were interwoven throughout my entire night’s sleep.  By the time I woke up, I felt kind of haunted by Eugene and his mullet…and it all felt so weird, and so right, somehow.

In my first-ever post for barnfullawalkers, my “Introduction” post, I took readers back 10 years, to 2004, when I walked into a comic book store, and walked out with the first two issues of “The Walking Dead” comic series, which had just hit the shelves and was taking the comic book/graphic novel world by storm. On that fateful day,10 years ago, “The Walking Dead” came into my life, and my life has never been the same since.

Now, let us rewind 10 years before that, to 1994, to the day when the mullet came into my life…and my life has never been the same, since.

The story goes something like this:  I was hanging out with my then-boyfriend at his apartment, sharing a laugh over a hilarious article in his latest issue of Grand Royal, the Beastie Boys’ brief and brilliant foray into the magazine world. This particular issue, I believe, boasted a cover photo of Lee Perry, smoking a big ol’ j, against a bright orange background::

I think this was the one...I can't believe that was 20 years ago! Grand Royal was awesome.

I think this was the issue…I can’t believe that was 20 years ago! Grand Royal was awesome.

The Grand Royal article we were laughing at featured the many different examples and incarnations of the “mullet,” Grand Royal’s name for the hairstyle that was shorter on the top, longer in the back, and strangely ubiquitous in all corners of the United States, and probably the world (although I do not profess to be an expert on overseas mullets, aside from a good British Invasion/ Eastern European punk, mod, or techno Euromull …if anyone is knowledgeable about International Mullets, send pictures, won’t you? Enlighten me, please. This inquiring mind wants to know!).

Anyway, back to “94, and the Grand Royal article..the mullet was a hairstyle I recognized, of course, and had definitely seen, many times, on many different kinds of people…kids, rednecks, older ladies (a “femullet” is what Grand Royal termed a mullet on a woman), younger ladies, aging hipsters, young hipsters. The mullet took on many forms, transcended social and economic barriers, but all in all, a mullet was defined by its sheer dimensions…if a hairstyle was shorter in the front, and longer in the back, it was a mullet.  Period.

And that, to me, was the strange beauty of it.

That day, and that article, opened up a whole new chapter in my life.  From that day on, from that issue of Grand Royal on, I, and many others, became obsessed with mullets.  It started out, for me, at first, as mullet-watching (much like people-watching, except you are watching people with mullets).  

My friends and I were keeping an endless tally of them. If we were standing in line in the grocery store, or waiting to buy movie tickets, and if the person in front of us, or behind us, had a mullet, we’d nudge each other, surreptitiously point, nod, or make some other gesture indicating a mullet sighting, and we’d exchange knowing looks, nods, faces, giggles. Sometimes, you’d see an entire family, and they all would have mullets. That was like a triple thousand bonus score…the endorphin rush from a family mullet sighting could last for hours.

(Remember, darlings, this was the mid-90’s…we didn’t have internet, or social media, yet…We had to amuse ourselves somehow!)

Anyhow, our mullet-watching antics expanded into the naming and classification of mullets, a practice shared by only a few…you had to be pretty obsessed with mullets to take it to this level. You would sight a mullet, either in real life, or in a picture, or in a music video, TV show, or movie…and as quickly as you were able, you would name it.  I think I loved naming and classifying mullets more than just about anyone. If I could have gotten a doctorate in the study and classification of mullets, I probably would have.  I found them endlessly fascinating.

And talk about an endorphin rush…to me, finding the perfect name for a mullet, or a mullet-moment, was a rush like none other.  When I would nail it, that was like, the total tits. The El Dorado, Ladies’ Choice, the Skywalker, the Han Molo, the Darth Mullinator, the ABBA, Salt & Pepper are examples of some of my more memorable mullet monikers (except maybe the Han Molo …my friend may have come up with that one).. My naming and classification of mullets was a source of great personal pleasure, and a practice that carried over into the new millennium.  At some point, I stopped, probably because nobody cared that much anymore. Nobody except me, that is!

Through it all, however, mullets have endured, as omnipresent as they ever were, and 20 years later after that now-classic Grand Royal article gave the “business in the front, party in the back” hairstyle its official title, the term “mullet” is a household name. Nowadays, everyone knows what a mullet is…we just haven’t been talking about them much, to my quiet and constant inner dismay.

Until now!

Earlier this year, in the glow and blossom of new spring, we WD fans got our first glimpse of Eugene Porter, in all his mulltastic glory, flanking his protector, Abraham Ford, on one side, with the lovely Rosita on the other, and  with that moment, Kirkman, Gimple & Co., and their poster boy, Eugene Porter, singlehandedly brought mullets back to the forefront of pop culture.


To celebrate Eugene, and his mullet, I am going to spice up this post for WD’s Season 5, Episode 5, “Self Help” by inserting pictures of Eugene, in various iconic poses, moods, and mullet moments, and I will come up with the best name for the mullet in each picture that I can think of, as the caption. 

Many of the mullet names will come straight from the Mouth of Eugene.

And if you like,dear readers, please play along..send me your Eugene pictures, and your names for the different Eugene mullet moments...I will probably be playing this game on my Twitter account as well:  #NameTheMullet

Eugene’s mullet…it’s bigger than all of us, people.

So, thanks for going along with that, and now, back to our story:  as the Team Eugene short bus chugs down the lonely road, Tara has just openly and hilariously mocked Eugene’s mullet, but Eugene does not respond to her jibes right away..he looks ahead, troubled, pensive.

Mullin' It Over

Mullin’ It Over

At Tara’s good-natured “source of power” dig, Eugene spouts off some incomprehensible response….I usually try to pay attention to this stuff, but this time, after a couple of playbacks, I just couldn’t do it…something about “the jawbone of an ass.”  Whatever.  What I was hearing loud and clear was that Eugene’s story was starting to play itself out…I thought, “This line of Eugene’s is sounding weaker and weaker.”

It felt like when you’re listening to someone you know is a big liar overtell an elaborate story full of way too many details…it’s too many words that don’t mean anything. I have been smelling bullshit with Eugene lately, especially after he seemed way too concerned for his own safety, back in train car “A,” and less and less convincing in his concern to “get to D.C. and save the world.” 

Tara, though, is humoring Eugene…she’s really sweet, and she is trying to connect with this odd but likeable dude with an egregious mullet. “Oh, so you’ll just settle on saving the world, right?”

Without looking at her, still looking ahead, Eugene replies, “Yeahhh…”

Tara notices Eugene’s Mullet of Discontent, leans forward a bit towards him, asks him, “What’s up…last night?” (Referring, of course, to the church massacre of Gareth and the other Terms, just the night before.)

“Nope…yes, that, and tomorrow…and I’m thinkin’ about that preacher, what he did.”

Thinkin' About That Preacher

Thinkin’ About That Preacher

What He Did

Me No Likey

Tara purses her lips, unsure of how to respond to this. In the seat in front of Eugene, Maggie seems pretty troubled herself, looking out the window, watching the miles blur past as the bus carries them further and further away from their people. Glenn watches Maggie, concerned for her, and surely, feeling the same worry as she is about Rick and their gang.

Maggie turns to Glenn, says,

Maggie turns to Glenn, says, “Maybe they’re just behind us…maybe Daryl and Carol came back…maybe they took the map, found some cars, and they’re just down the road.” Glenn plays along, says, “Yeah…they’ll catch us…we’re clearing the way for them.” Maggie smiles at Glenn, a little smile like, “That’s why I love you.”

From his seat behind them, Eugene watches this sweet exchange with a sad look…..

Heartbreak Hotel

Heartbreak Hotel

After sharing a moment with Glenn,  Maggie turns to Eugene, asks him, “How long will it be, after you get on that terminal and do what you have to do?” meaning, of course, how long will it take to get the world back to normal, or semi-normal…or just a little bit better than how it is now?

Eugene replies that “de-pends” on a lot of factors, like what the density of the infected undead would be around each of the world’s target sites.  This response prompts Glenn to ask, “Target sites…you talking about missles?”

And to this, Eugene replies…

“That’s Classified”

“I thought we were over that,” Glenn says, exasperated.  “What if we all live?” Eugene asks.  “Secrets won’t matter then?” suggests Glenn.  “They might,”  Eugene replies, and then goes off on another long spiel on the factors that may dictate the rate which things begin to “normalize,” like weather patterns, hydrocarbons in the air, blah, blah, blah, causing Glenn to abruptly change the subject, asking Eugene, point-blank, “Why the hair?”

Because I Like It

Because I Like It

“And nobody’s taking scissor or clipper to it anytime hear me, Miss Espinoza?” “Yes,” Rosita laughs, “loud and clear.” As the young people, excepting Eugene (and how old is Eugene, anyway?) share a laugh, Abraham peers out at the road ahead…

abraham peers down the road

...all looks clear, so far.

…all looks clear, then Abraham sees something up ahead…figures moving towards the road from the woods…

Meanwhile, in the back of the bus, Eugene is telling the giggling others to “talk and laugh all you want to…the smartest man I ever met happened to love my hair.. my boss, T. Brooks Ellis, the director of the Human Genome Project.  He said my hair made me look like, and I quote, ‘A fun guy’…which I am.”

The T. Brooks Ellis mullet is about's about believing in yourself.

The T. Brooks Ellis mullet is about confidence…it’s about believing in yourself.

As Eugene recites this story, and self-affirmation, Abraham looks towards the side of the road at a group of about 12-15+ walkers they are passing…

road walkers

Abraham watches them as he passes them until they begin to disappear, one by one, from the rear view mirror...

Abraham watches the Hitchiker Walkers as he passes them, until they begin to disappear, one by one, from the rear view mirror…

…and as Eugene concludes his speech with something about “Samson”...

...there is a loud

…there is a loud “BANG!” as the bus veers out of control…

bus blows 2

...then, the front driver's side wheel flips up over an abandoned car in the road, sending the bus flying and landing hard, screeching and smoking, on its right side...

…then, the front driver’s side wheel flips up over an abandoned car in the road, sending the bus flying and landing hard, screeching, sparks flying,  on its right side…

...and here come the walkers.

…and here come the walkers.

As the Bear McCreary title sequence began, and the opening credits unfolded, my WD buddy and I texted simultaneously, Dang it!!  Holy Fuck! Did they blow a tire?  We agreed that the tire scenario was the most likely reason the bus crashed…little did we know!

This is sad, my WD buddy texted.  It really is, isn’t it?  Every time the gang starts to relax, let their guard down, share a laugh, something like this crazy shit happens to fuck it all up. Every time.

After the commercial break, we see a flashback of a man straddling another man who is lying, almost unconscious, on the floor…we see a massively muscled arm, that we recognize as Abraham’s, clutching a soup can, punching it mercilessly, again and again, into somebody’s face…

soup can beat down 3 soup can beat down 4 soup can beat down 1 soup can beat down 2

Abraham stands, drops the bloodied can to the floor by the man's twitching, rasping body...

Abraham stands, drops the bloodied can to the floor by the man’s twitching, rasping body…

soup can beat down 6 foot at throat

…then steps his boot down on the man’s throat to finish him off…

soup can beatdown 7 abraham face

The camera focuses on Abraham’s face as he twists his foot hard on the man’s neck, breaking it, finishing the job, brutally and methodically. Survival at its most primal.

soup can beat down 8 last one down

Then, Abraham turns, spent and exhausted, and numbly look over the bodies of the men he just killed with his bare hands, bootshod feet, and canned goods…berzerker-style.

Abrham stops, realizes, calls for

Abraham stops, realizing something, then calls for someone named Ellen. Ellen…Ellen!” he rasps out as he lurches off, leaving the scattered bodies of the slain men in his wake.

Abraham wakes up in the crashed bus, on its side, calling for, “Eugene…Eugene!

Abraham wakes up in the crashed, smoking bus, on it's side...and begins calling for Eugene...

Abraham wakes up in the crashed, smoking bus, on its side…and begins calling for Eugene…


Abraham doesn't check on Rosita, or ask after anybody else...

Abraham doesn’t check on Rosita, or ask after anybody else…

“Eugene!” Rosita joins in, calling for Eugene, who is unable to answer…

i think its broken

I Think It’s Broken…

glenn abraham bus

Glenn and Abraham hear Eugene mumbling about the “preacher.”  Seems like Eugene is really identifying with Father Gabriel, who did harm to people who were counting on him…

Our gang has more problems mounting…walkers are outside the back bus windows, not having found the busted windows on the side, yet… Rosita tells them they need to get out of the bus, quick….the engine’s on fire.

Glenn, as always, thinks quickly and makes a plan.  Abraham and he will rush the walkers, kicking open the rear emergency exit door and shoving them back, creating an opening for the rest to get out of the bus.  Abraham agrees, instructing Tara to cover Eugene.  Then, Abraham swings and kicks the rear exit door open with both feet, pushing it into the walkers.

busting out of the bus

Damn! They just got banged up bad in a bus crash, and now they have to leap out and battle walkers!

Damn! They just got banged up bad in a bus crash, and now they have to leap out and battle walkers!

Maggie ain't skeerd.

Maggie ain’t skeerd.

Eugene is, though.  Tara turns to see him cowering in a back corner as a lone walker, speared on the jagged glass of a broken side window, paws helplessly, hissing at them. Tara beckons him out, telling she knows it sucks, and it’s scary, but it’s time to be brave…

Sac Up Lil Buckaroo

It’s Not Voluntary

Tara hands him a knife, basically tells him it’s time to Walk Like A Man…

Wield The Blade Of Glory

 Wield The Blade Of Glory!

Tara urges Eugene forward, telling him, “I’m right behind you.”

As Eugene steps uncertainly out of the bus, knife held in front of him…

Ready As I'll Ever Be

Ready As I’ll Ever Be

…he sees the others battling walkers, each with his or her own unique rekilling style.

...while Maggie goes it bayonet-style...

Maggie goes it bayonet-style…

...Rosita goes for the throat.

Rosita goes for the throat.

abraham looks to next target as he rekills

Abraham is on to number next…

glenn rekills bus walker

…while Glenn does a smash-n-stab upside the temple.

Tara rekills two or three walkers, including one that Eugene can’t bring himself to take care of, and is finishing one off when a stray woman walker almost gets one up on her, almost catching Tara from behind, but then, a surprising save…

First Blood

First Blood

Rekill Buddies Forevs

Sharing & Caring 

After the gang is done battling the walkers, Abraham orders someone to go check Eugene over, despite Eugene’s protests that he’s fine.

As Rosita stalks over to do Abraham’s bidding, Eugene asks Abraham, “Is that your blood?” when he spies a bleeding  cut on Abraham’s left hand that has opened again. Abraham looks down at his hand, covered in blood, replies it is his, that the cuts on his hand, while small, are “big bleeders” and keep opening up.  Maggie turns towards the bus to get the first aid kit, just as…

The bus, and all their stuff in it, explodes into flames.

…the bus, and all their stuff in it, explode into flames.

As the gang watches in silent horror as all their meager earthly possessions, and their ride, go up in flames, Abraham seems to be grappling with his own shellshock, looking at the disaster in front of him.

It was all going so well, and in the blink of an eye, it wasn't.

It was all going so well, and in the blink of an eye, it wasn’t.

Abraham collects himself, and his pack, after a brief moment, telling the gang that they’re going to keep moving, find another vehicle down the road, that the mission is still on.  Eugene ventures an alternate option…

Devil's Advocate, Nothin' More

Devil’s Advocate, Nothin’ More

…but, you know, the church is 15 miles back, that way. Abraham shouts this down, saying that this is war, and going back means retreat, and retreat means lose.

“We’ll get through this because we have to! Every direction is a question!” Abraham yells in Eugene’s face.

“We don’t go back!”

Glenn steps up, and checks in with Abraham…

“Hey, are you ok?” asks Glenn. “I am fit as a damn fiddle,” replies Abraham stoutly.

“We are going with you,” Glenn assures Abraham. “You are calling this thing…I just need to make sure you’re ok.”

This calm, reasonable manner of Glenn’s, which has been so invaluable to Rick and the core group, time and time again, works its magic on Abraham, who begins to settle…Abraham says that “This is how things stop, and I can’t afford that right now…the world can’t afford it.”

And the camera pans to a shot of Eugene, looking seriously bummed right about now…

Buyer's Remorse

Buyer’s Remorse

In classic Abraham style, he then tells Glenn:

I took a pretty hard shot to the sac with that crash…I am stressed and depressed to see that ride die, but if you say we’re rolling on, I’m good.”

Glenn, taken aback at this role-reversal, looks to Maggie, then back to Abraham. He nods, says, “We’re rolling on.” Abraham looks relieved at this, says in that case, he’s gonna “rub some dirt on it and walk it off.”  Rosita chimes in that they’ll find more supplies on the way, “like we always have.” Maggie agrees, smiling, but says she’s not “rubbing dirt on anything.”

Tara dryly suggests that maybe they can get some bikes, as “bikes don’t burn.”

Abraham takes all this in, this sweet, unconditional support from the nice young people…Rick, Michonne, Sasha would certainly have a different take on things. Carol would have been scanning the horizon on the DL for the nearest getaway car, planning her Plan B escape (even if only in her head), while Daryl would have hung back and observed all this, without saying anything, until asked…or until the time to speak presented itself.

Eugene, looking a little Stressed and Depressed himself, turns and sees the dead walker he helped take down with Tara.  He walks over to it and crouches down, studying it a moment.  “Eugene,” calls Rosita behind him, “what are you doing?”

“Nothing,” replies Eugene, not taking his eyes off the dead walker’s still form.

Eugene forms a gob of spit in his mouth, and  unleashes his spit upon his first ever walker kill.

Eugene forms a gob of spit in his mouth, and unleashes his spit upon his first ever walker kill.

I Spit On Your Grave

I Spit On Your Grave

“Well, then, come on!” bosses Rosita, and Eugene stands up, and follows the line of Team Eugene as they trudge down the side of the road on foot, leaving the burning wreckage of the bus, and the slew of dead walkers, in their wake.

In the next scene, we are taken back to the Abraham dream sequence, as Abraham, splattered with blood, is striding towards what looks like the back offices of the store where he killed those men…as he calls for “Ellen,”: he gets no response, until…


“Ellen! El..!”

Silently, fearfully, Abraham's wife, Ellen, and their son (who looks like a mini Abraham) and daugher come out from under the desk where they were crouched, hiding...they look at Abraham as if they are terrified of him.

Silently, fearfully, Abraham’s wife, Ellen, and their son (who looks like a mini Abraham), and daughter come out from under the desk where they were crouched, hiding…they turn to face Abraham, look at him as if they are terrified of him.

The scene switches abruptly to present day, with the gang clearing an abandoned book store that looks like pretty solid quarters.  The gang begins to set up camp, with Tara collecting water from the back tank of a toilet, Glenn and Abraham covering windows, rolling tall, wheeled bookshelves around to block the windows, barricade and reinforce their temporary living quarters, Eugene quickly gets a small flame burning on a piece of paper and tosses it into a small metal trashcan, getting a small fire going.

Fire Starter

Fire Starter

There are plenty of pages to tear out of books for burning, and Maggie does this while Tara crisscrosses two metal hangers over the rim of the trashcan fire pit, then places a large can of soup, or perhaps the water from the toilet, to cook on top of the makeshift cooking rack.

Maggie gently pulls a string from the binding of a book, handing it to Rosita, who pulls it taut, testing it…strong, and good.  Rosita uses this to stitch up Abraham’s hand wound, smiling a sweet smile at him as she does so.  When the wound is stitched up, Abraham touches Rosita tenderly on the cheek, in a gesture of thanks, tells her that he’s going to “take a sweep.”

As Abraham looks out from the solid bookstore window into the moonlit dark, Glenn approaches. Abraham holds a hand up, silently motioning Glenn to be still, quiet. A walker walks right up to the glass, leading with its mouth, and bangs against the glass two or three times, testing it, before shuffling along with the other Moonlight Walkers.

After the men exchange greetings, Abraham turns and thanks Glenn.  “For what?” asks Glenn.  “For showing up,” replies Abraham.  He tells Glenn that he sees, “plain as potatoes, you get it,” and that he knows that Glenn could have made a case to turn back after the bus crashed & burned, but he didn’t… Glenn replies that he made a deal, and Abraham says quickly that Glenn could have backed out of that deal, but didn’t.

Glenn motions to the knife Abraham is holding, asks him if he’s “gonna put that thing away” for the night.  Abraham looks down at it, as if he hadn’t really considered that possibility…

abraham's knife

Abraham looks at the knife, turning it idly, before sheathing it.

Glenn then asks Abraham if he’s gong to wrap the wound on his hand, and Abraham tells him no, he’s going to let it air out…he adds that he cut it “pretty ugly last night, at the church.”  Glenn nods, says “Yup,” looks away as the indirect reference to the previous night’s massacre at the church hangs heavily in the darkness.

Abraham looks at Glenn, then out the window as he quietly addresses the bloody elephant in the room…he tells Glenn that by now, anybody alive in these times is strong…if they are strong and can help you, you help them…or, they’re strong, and they can kill you, so then you have to kill them

Abraham repeats, “You have to kill them, and…” then falters, leaning his head into his forearm, pressed against the window. Glenn waits, looks down towards a point on the window, takes the message in. After a brief moment,  Abraham continues, telling Glenn that he wishes that he could say that killing others wasn’t ever easy, but, “that’s not the truth.”

Killing, these days…

“It’s the easiest thing in the world now.”

The men look at each other a moment, then look out the window. Glenn asks Abraham, “World’s gonna change, right?”

“Damn right it’s gonna,” Abraham replies.  Glenn tells Abraham that he better turn in then, as he’s got late watch.  Abraham nods, gathers up his things, and as he turns to go, he looks at Glenn, says, “I really need some ass first.”

Glenn looks after him, then turns back to the window, saying, to himself, “Didn’t need to know that, but…cool.”  


So, Abraham goes and gets him some…

But while they're at it, Rosita tells Abraham,

But while they’re at it, Rosita tells Abraham, “He’s watching again.”

Abraham and Rosita turn to look, and Rosita says,

Abraham and Rosita turn to look, and Rosita says, “There, in the self-help section.” They burst into giggles before resuming their tussle.

Catching An Eyeful

Catching An Eyeful

“Dude…”  Eugene, the Self Help Lurker, whirls around and sees Tara, who has stone-cold busted him peeping at Rosita and Abraham’s loveplay.

Cards On The Table

Cards On The Table

Eugene offers a ready explanation, and rationalization, for his peeping antics, but Tara really just wanted to come and thank him for saving her life earlier that day, flustering Eugene a bit. Tara tells Eugene that while he may not have before, he’s got the goods now, and she believes that she believes in him, that he’s “got this.”

When she gets no response from Eugene, Tara prods him, “Hey, did you hear what I just said?”  Looking down, Eugene replies hoarsely that, “The bus crashed because of me.”

True Confession

 True Confession

Tara laughs this off at first, saying, “No you didn’t,” but Eugene tells her that he put crushed glass in the fuel line, with some light bulbs he found at the church.  Tara, dumbfounded, says that he could have killed them,  but Eugene insists that things weren’t supposed to go down like that…

Not Hardly, Not Half

Not Hardly, Not Half

…that the bus wasn’t even supposed to get as far as the road.

“What the hell?” Tara asks.  When Eugene tries to walk past Tara without answering when she asks him why he did that, she grabs his arm, asks again. “Eugene, why did you do that?”  Eugene replies that he cannot survive alone in these times, and if he doesn’t save the world, if he can’t, then he has no value, and the others in the group would not have him, would not share resources or protect him if he had no worth.

“So you killed the bus?” Tara asks, incredulous.  After telling Eugene that she would keep his secret, and to never do anything like that again, Tara tells him that they are all stuck with each other, and they look out for each other, because they are friends, and that’s what friends do.

Eugene, looking pretty shellshocked, says, “I don’t know why I told you.”  “I do,” Tara replies, shrugging.  She holds out her fist to Eugene, who has probably never done a fist bump with anyone before.

Welcome To The Human Race, Asshole

After Tara urges Eugene to go get some rest, she cannot help but sneak a little peek at Rosita and Abraham going at it. Tara sighs, turns away, and heads to bed herself.

Things aren’t as hot and heavy with Maggie and Glenn. Her face looks troubled, and Glenn seems to know that this isn’t really the best time to ask for some sex. He asks her, instead, if she’s thinking of “them,” meaning Rick and the others.  She is, of course.

Glenn jokes gently that maybe, sometimes, they get to have little “vacations on book store floors,” with no car, drinking toilet water.  They share a smile, and Maggie says that it does feel good to have this, and have it be about the future, and not about what it has been, like “last night.” 

Maggie frowns as she says this, remembers the savagery from the night before. Glenn tells her not to feel guilty for heading towards something new. Maggie’s face softens, and she smiles as she burrows a little deeper into Glenn, savoring this safe, quiet time together.

Back at the window stands Abraham, leaning against the pane with a crooked arm, holding his knife, watching as a lone walker shuffles by.

abraham stands guard

After the break, we are taken back to Abraham’s nightmarish flashback sequence.

Covered in blood splatter, Abraham finds, and faces, his wife, Ellen, and their children...

Covered in blood splatter, Abraham finds, and faces, his wife, Ellen, and their children…”You’re safe now,” he tells them.

...who stare at him, covered in blood, like they don't know who he is.

Ellen and the children stare at Abraham, covered in blood, like they don’t know who he is.

ellen scared

Abraham's children cower behind their mom, afraid of him.

Abraham looks down at his bloody hands, whispers,

Abraham looks down at his bloody hands, whispers, “It’s ok…it’s gonna be ok.”

The next shot shifts us back to the present, with Abraham's hand being tended to by Rosita.

The next shot shifts us back to the present, with Abraham’s hand being tended to by Rosita.

Rosita suggests they stay another day.

Rosita suggests they stay another day. “No, “ Abraham says, quickly, then adds, “You got some readin’ you need to catch up on?”

“We got lucky yesterday,” Rosita points out. She is right, they should stay, rest, restock, recharge, but Abraham is being rigid, unyielding…unreasonable.

It is an argument that they have had countless times before, and despite the gang chiming in the good idea to stay, sweep, rest, restock, Rosita echoes Abrham's wishes

It is an argument that they have had countless times before, and despite the gang chiming in the good idea to stay, sweep, rest, restock, Rosita echoes Abraham’s wishes, “We’ll sweep as we go…we’ve been doing it since Houston.” Abraham looks at the others. “You heard the lady…we’re takin’ it North.”

Besides, Abraham has seen their new ride across the street…a hose truck parked at the fire station.

The fire truck starts, and moves about 10 feet before it dies, releasing the door to the fire station to swing open...

The fire truck starts, and moves about 10 feet before it dies, releasing the door to the fire station to swing open…

Cursing, Abraham gets out of the truck...

Cursing, Abraham gets out of the truck…

...a tire rolls out of the open fire station doorway, followed by a stream of walkers.  The gang must get to rekilling...

…a tire rolls out of the open fire station doorway, followed by a stream of walkers. The gang must get to rekilling…

fire station walker battle 2 fire station walker battle 3

Suddenly, a strong sprauy of water takes down the walker horde...

Suddenly, a strong spray of water takes down the walker horde…

Eugene is The Supreme Hoser

Eugene is The Supreme Hoser

 Just a Simple Hose Wrangler, Is All

Just a Lone Hose Wrangler, Is All

When Glenn suggests they hit the nearby Goodwill for dry clothes, and supplies, Abraham nixes this sensible idea, saying that once he pulls the guts out of the air intake, the truck, and they, will get to air out…they move onward.

Then Abraham spies a message spraypainted on the ground, starts laughing.

Abraham looks back at the gang, as they watch him laugh at this...

Abraham looks back at the gang, as they watch him laugh at this…”What? The shit’s just screwed up!

Still  giggling, Abraham begins to pull the zombie innards out of the air intake.

Still giggling, Abraham begins to pull the zombie innards out of the air intake.

A little while later, down the road a bit…

Fire truck's dead again...while Abraham tries to fix it, the gang is either on lookout, or finding other ways to pass the time...

Fire truck’s dead again…while Abraham tries to fix it, the gang is either on lookout, or finding other ways to pass the time…

The Shape Of Things To Come

The Shape Of Things To Come

Maggie approaches Eugene, tells him she knows why he has the mullet hairstyle…

You're Not Like Everyone Else

“You’re Not Like Everyone Else”

Maggie basically tells Eugene her own version of what Tara was trying to tell him, that he is stronger than he thinks, that he didn’t give up, that he started this, inspiring people to try to make the world better.  She also tells him that he is not like Samson, who was “kind of a mess.”

Glenn interrupts her story by exclaiming, “What is that?”  After a moment, the rest of the gang smell it too…a foul smell being carried in the wind.  Abraham replies that whatever is causing that smell, it can’t be good.

the gang walks down the road a ways, see what looks like a huge cattle ranch, with probably a slaughterhouse, which, judging from the sounds of it, has attracted thousands of walkers.  Trying to go through that would be a suicide mission.

Welcome to Slaughterhouse Ranch.

Welcome to Slaughterhouse Ranch.

As the others turn away, and beckon Abraham, he mutters to himself, cannot seem to turn back, or even consider taking another route.

As the others turn away, and beckon Abraham, he mutters to himself, cannot seem to turn back, or even consider taking another route.

When Rosita backs up the gang, telling Abraham, “They’re right,” Abraham turns, snatches up Eugene by the arm…I am not sure what he is doing, but I think he is really trying to get the fire engine started, and push through.  The gang protests, leading to a shoving match between Glenn and Abraham, knocking even Rosita down, until Eugene starts yelling something that stops Abraham, and the rest, in their tracks…

I'm Not A Scientist (I Just Play One On TV)

I’m Not A Scientist! (I Just Play One On TV)

As the gang stares at him, stupefied, Eugene admits in his Big Reveal that he is not a scientist, he doesn’t have the cure…while he knows that he is smarter than other people, he is not a scientist, and does not possess the cure.  He knew he was a good liar, and he needed to get to D.C.  He just…knows things.

The gang reacts to this pronouncement with a mixture of tears...

The gang reacts to this pronouncement with a mixture of tears…



...and disbelief.

…and disbelief.

Voice shaking, Rosita tells Eugene that people died for him, believing he had the cure…sorrowfully, Eugene acknowledges this, beginning to recite the long list of names of the people who died between Houston and Georgia…

Say My Name

Say My Name

And, in an ill-advised move, Eugene turns to Abraham, who is crouching, digesting all this, and tells him that he, Eugene, is smarter than him, Abraham…and that’s All She Wrote, as Abraham leaps up and begins pounding on Eugene, as the others frantically try to pull him  off.

abraham clocks eugene abraham clocks eugene 2abraham goes awol

Out For The Count

Out For The Count…

As Abraham steps to Eugene's fallen form, Rosita steps in between him and Eugene, her hand on her gun, if needed.  Abraham looks down a this bloody hand...

As Abraham steps to Eugene’s fallen form, Rosita steps in between him and Eugene, her hand on her gun, if needed. Abraham looks down a this bloody hand…

Dead Or Alive?

Dead Or Alive?

Abraham walks away, down the road a bit, sinks to his knees...

Abraham walks away, down the road a bit, sinks to his knees…

…as the horrible rest of the flashback, the story of what happened to Abraham’s family, plays out to its entirety…after Abraham massacred the dangerous men at the store, he had come back to find his family gone, with only a note from Ellen, telling him not to follow them…Abraham does, of course, and finds the bodies of Ellen, and the children, who have been attacked and killed by walkers…

Unable to bear his grief, Abraham tears his dog tags from his neck, pulls out his pistor and puts it in his mouth, ready to end it all...

Unable to bear his grief, Abraham tears his dog tags from his neck, pulls out his pistor and puts it in his mouth, ready to end it all…

the kids dead abraham pistol in mouth

...until he hears a cry for help...Eugene is mincing away from a small gang of three walkers, a Man Damsel In Distress

…until he hears a cry for help…Eugene is mincing away from a small gang of three walkers, a Man-Damsel In Distress

After easily dispatching the Sorry Walker Trio, Abraham turns to go…Eugene calls him back, yells for him to “Stop!”  Abraham, without stopping, or turning, asks, “Why?”

I Have A Very Important Mission

“I Have A Very Important Mission”

At these words, Abraham turns, regards Eugene...he now has a mission, a reason to go on.  A reason to live.

At these words, Abraham turns, regards Eugene…he now has a mission, a reason to go on. A reason to live.

Well, people, there you have it.  The Comic Book Set, being so much smarter than us Prime Time Pollyanna tv-series-only WD fans, knew for a long time that Eugene didn’t really have the cure…but he does have the mullet, boy howdy, does he ever.

Let’s go back to a classic shot, in better days, when Eugene, after sabotaging yet another working, running vehicle in his stunted effort to buy himself, and his lie, a little more time, shot up the gas tank of Abraham’s truck, earning himself one of the best mullet names, ever…


“Son Of A Dick!”

Of course, I once again have multiple Deadies to award: Deadie #1 goes to Abraham Ford, and Michael Cudlitz…for being a total beast, but so sweet in the inside, and loyal, and funny, and fun.  And for being a soldier, a true soldier, and for believing, and for trying so hard, and for losing so much…and for having the hottest girlfriend, Rosita (who, btw, gets Deadie #2, for all the obvious reasons).

And, now, Deadie #3...a No-Brainer (which is an incredible name for a mullet, and I can pretty much guarantee that each and every person who reads this will come across some unfortunate, and highly comedic, someone who will bear the mullet, and the name, No Brainer And if you do, darling readers, be compassionate, be kind…because No Brainer cannot help it, for whatever reason.)

Deadie #3 goes to Eugene Porter, for being brave, finally, and for coming clean, finally…and of course, to Josh McDermitt, the talented actor, and comic genius, who plays Eugene.  I  do hope you survived The Big Punchout That Was Coming To You, Eugene, because I think I may just believe in you, after all.  If anybody can figure out a way to cure this walker cure epidemic thing by fighting fire with Righteous Mullet Fire, it’s you…especially if the cure is such that can be deployed by gamer-style handsets, or fire hose.  You rock at those, Eugene!

Let’s give it up for our man, Dr. Mull, aka Eugene Porter, a man, who, in his own words, is a. “a son of the South, who has successfully negotiated the travails and vagaries of journeys, both real and virtual.”

To Eugene! (if there were a heart icon with a mullet on top, I would totally put it right here.)

They call me

They call me Dr. Mull.

I dedicate this playlist, in its entirety, to Abraham Ford, first and foremost, and to the gang.  Don’t stop believin’, guys!

Just one more, for the road:

Fire With Fire ❤


Iron Maiden, “The Trooper”

Goat, “Run to Your Mama”

Alice In Chains, “Rotten Apple”

Melvins, “Honey Bucket” 

Journey, “Don’t Stop Believin'” (featuring one of my favorite rock mullets of all time, the Steve Perry) 

The Walking Dead, Season 4, Episode 11 “Claimed”


(All images used in this post are screen caps from AMC’s The Walking Dead, unless otherwise specified.)

I have to admit, people, when I saw the title for The Walking Dead, Episode 11, “Claimed,” I was like, “Claimed? What the hell does that mean?  It was kind of ominous sounding, like some shit was going to go down, in a big way. Was someone going to get kidnapped, killed…claimed?  I was nervous.

Episode 11, “Claimed,” definitely delivered plenty to thrills, chills, and nailbiting moments…and laughs!  (Thank you, Abraham!)

Abraham…that guy rules. He’s not afraid to mess up some walkers, and he’s not afraid to bring the funny.  And I think we could all use a little of that right about now with this show of ours. We’ve hung in, and shit’s been hard, and then now we’ve got Abraham, flanked on one side by his hot woman-comrade, Rosita

(Ok, yes, Rosita happens to be my new girl crush…what of it?)

On Abraham’s other side stands Eugene, of the epic mullet (“The Eugene”)  and the (supposed) walker cure. (And, yes, in that order of importance: epic mullet first, walker cure secondSee, in my world, an epic mullet is a huge achievement and a gift to humankind…to all beings, really…another post for another time.)

Abraham doesn’t have a mullet, but he does have a handlebar, and he’s not afraid to back that shit up while making it super fun to watch. Episode 11 opens with a great shot of a street sign reading:


Tied to the sign is a colorful blue and red balloon (Spiderman?), a sign of past good times and children’s birthday parties…the balloon floats and bobs in the breeze, as three rapt walkers hiss and paw at it, trying to get it…it’s all red and shiny, and they like that!



As Abraham’s massive vehicle cruises by, the walkers immediately abandon the balloon and begin to lurch down the road after the truck.

Riding in the back of the truck, with Glenn lying unconscious beside her, Tara copies down the name of “Crook Rd.”  into her palm,  in black Sharpie marker, adding it to the list of directions she has already written on the back of her hand.

Tara’s all right…she’s got Glenn’s back by keeping track of where they are until he wakes up and decides what he wants to do. The truck stops, coming up to a line of cars, stopped in the road, and Tara is alarmed to see the trio of balloon walkers coming towards the back of the truck, and her.

As the walkers paw at the back of Abraham’s truck, Tara grabs up her assault rifle and prepares to fire upon them, only to be ordered down by Abraham:  “Do not fire that weapon!”

Abraham then climbs out of the truck, and regards the sad walker trio.  His face softens in a mixture of amusement and mock-pity:


Laughs, “Oh, ho, ho, ho, shit! Look at what we got here!”

And then, wielding a crowbar, Abraham steps to the walker trio and proceeds to go to town on them, slashing the first walker across the head with the curved, pointy end of the crowbar, then stabbing the long end into the second walker’s skull:


When the particularly tore-up female walker approaches Abraham, he laughs at her, “Awww, honey, look at you…you’re a damn mess.”

Who you callin' a mess, asshole?

Who you callin’ a mess?

Tore-Up She-Walker doesn’t quite go down as easily as Abraham had counted on, to his surprise and annoyance.  He tries to spear her in the head, but aims a little too low, merely impaling her onto the truck…

Ha ha, missed my brains...who's the mess now, dick?

Ha ha, missed my brains, missed my brains…who’s the mess now, dick?


In a great TWD moment, he turns to Tara and motions for her assault rife. “Lemme borrow that for a minute, would ya?” Tara tosses it to him. “Thanks.” Abraham takes the butt end of the rifle and smashes it into Tore-Up She Walker’s skull, spewing her brains all over the truck.

Abraham then turns to the first walker, who is starting to move on the ground.  “And I’m not leaving you out,” he says, and the shot is from the ground walker’s perspective as Abraham smashes the butt end into the walker’s skull, rekilling it, before tossing the goopy gun back to Tara.  He then yanks the crowbar from the female walker’s skull, freeing her body from the truck and causing it to slump in a wet, gory heap on the ground.

Abraham looks totally comfortable doing all this, like a man completely in his element.

When Abraham looks up from his ministrations and sees Tara regarding him, he asks her, “What? What?

“I’ve never seen that before,” replies Tara.  Abraham is confused, looks down at the body of the walkers, then back at Tara. He is puzzled, says, “I’ve seen you do the same thing,” meaning, of course, killing the walkers with the butt end of a rifle, or killing them, period.

“You smiled,” says Tara. “You were smiling.”  Abraham takes a moment to register this, then says, Well, I’m the…luckiest guy in the world.”  And after a brief moment, he says, “Now, why don’t you help me with one of these cars? We’ve got some miles to go.”

Back at the Rick, Carl, and Michonne house, Carl and Michonne are pouring bowls of cereal, which they then eat dry with their fingers while joking about milk.

Michonne asks Carl if he ever tried soy milk. Carl says he tried soy milk once, and almost barfed…he then slips and almost says he’d rather drink Judith’s formula than drink soy milk. Carl stops himself, upset, and gets up from the table, leaves the room.

Rick is in the kitchen when Michonne comes in. He thanks her for making Carl laugh. “I’d almost forgotten what that sounded like,” Rick says. “I can’t be his father and his best friend…he needs you.

Rick motions to Michonne, adds, “I know that’s a lot to throw at you, so let me know if you need a break.”

“I’m done taking breaks,” answers Michonne, quickly, and inside, I was like, Yes!

Michonne then asks Rick what the deal is: Is this house home, are they moving on, what?  Rick suggests they just stay at the house while they figure it out.  He is looking pretty messed up still, leaning on his good leg, facing Michonne in the kitchen.

Michonne looks at Rick, then agrees, saying they will need more supplies, and she and Carl will go out for some.

Rick offers to go with them, and Michonne puts the kibosh on that, says he should stay put and rest another day….if only the poor man could!  Not knowing how short his rest is about to be, Rick agrees with a nod.

I love how out on the porch, as they say their goodbyes for now, Rick picks up on Carl’s sadness, and he asks Carl if everything is ok.  Carl tells Rick he is just tired. Rick is a good dad, attentive and in tune with his son’s moods, his cues. He checks in often.  I like that, and many other things, about Rick Grimes, especially in this episode.

After Rick said his goodbyes, went upstairs, and got into bed, I got a bad foreboding feeling about it all…

I actually typed, Why am I so scared for Rick right now?  Surely there couldn’t be any walkers in any of the rooms… I did have a bad feeling about it all, though.  I typed, What is going to happen?

Meanwhile, walking along, Michonne is trying to draw Carl out. She offers a can of crazy cheese that still has the seal on it. (This episode, of course, sent crazy cheese trending worldwide by the time Talking Dead came on.)  When Carl refuses the delicacy, Michonne checks in with Carl, tells him he doesn’t seem fine when he tries to tell her he is.

Carl tells Michonne what he told Rick, that he is just tired.

Then, Michonne does a hilarious imitation of a walker, squirting her mouth full of crazy cheese and letting it gob out of her mouth, while making walker sounds.  This does not elicit any laughter from Carl, which amazed me, because that shit was funny:


When Michonne looks questioningly at Carl, he dryly tells her that he was laughing on the inside.  Michonne looks at him archly, then tells him that she had a three-year-old son, and that he found her to be extremely funny.  This of course shocks Carl into silence, and I thought, Man, she is so brave and beautiful…she actually smiles when she says it, too.

Carl of course is full of questions about her son, and her life, before…they have found a house to check for supplies, and Michonne tells Carl that she will answer one question at a time, one room at a time, and only after they’ve cleared it.

Before the commercial break, a shot or Rick, sleeping in the bed, his hands folded over a book on his chest. We begin to hear the rough sounds of men’s voices echoing up the stairwell…Rick is sleeping so soundly at first, he doesn’t stir, but the voices grow louder, escalate.

Then a crash, followed by a raucous cheer, jolts Rick awake, and he realizes in an instant that he is not alone in the house, and that he is in danger.


On a Talking Dead interview, Andrew Lincoln talked about this scene, and of course I transcribed every word:

“What I loved about this episode is that you see a man that’s very, very scared…It’s kind of my (Rick’s) Mission Impossible, or Escape From Alcatraz…It’s about a man waking up and realizing he’s in extreme danger and very vunerable, and it’s about a man trying to escape from bad people.”

“This is a year and a half into the apocalypse, and we’re beginning to realize that the only people who are scavenging, and left moving, and not in civilization, have to be pretty ruthless, uncompromising human beings…people that would be surviving in this world…murderers, pillagers, vandals, rapists, and he (Rick) realizes instantly that he is in grave danger...There is no safety, out here, any more.”

This scene is so damn scary, I was gulping down chardonnay, and it still wasn’t making it any easier to watch.  What did make it some easier, and completely riveting, was to watch Deputy Rick Grimes once again assess the situation at hand, get himself to a safe place and buy himself some time, and begin the “Mission Impossible” of getting himself out of that house, and intercept Michonne and Carl, before they too walk into certain danger.

In this case, Rick wakes, listens, checks Carol’s watch, and quickly and quietly gets himself under the bed when he hears one of the men coming up the stairs. Rick even has the presence of mind to bring the watch, book and his water bottle under the bed with him (of course, probably to hide the evidence that someone else had been there, but you know, it could be a while, and those things would be good to have if you were going to be there for a long time!)

It is a taut, nervewracking scene when Rick is hiding under the bed, sweating, watching the boots of one of the Downstairs Thug Boys pacing around the bed he is hiding under. We see the tip of the DTB’s rifle, his boots stopping, then pacing around…he checks the closet…under the bed, Rick presses his palm over the ticking watch face in his hand to muffle the sound.

Around the bed, boots pace, pause. Then, the mattress above Rick sinks down almost upon him, pressing him a little further down into the floor, as the DTB climbs into the bed. (Apparently, being a loud douchebag in the zombie apocalypse is hard work, and someone needs a nap.) 

OMG, Rick is probably really missing his nap right about now…

Back at the supplies house, Carl is pressing Michonne, asks her son’s name, pointing out that the room they are in is actually two separate rooms, and they had already cleared the other one. Michonne hesitates, then answers, “Andre.  His name was Andre Anthony.” Her voice is a little tight as she says it, and I realized that it was probably the first time she said her baby’s name aloud in a long time, if maybe ever, since losing him.

Ugh, the mom in me gets so upset with this’s the worst thing imaginable.

Michonne tries to lighten the moment by telling Carl to make sure there isn’t a box of cookies under the whatever, and wanders out of the room.  Carl follows her in the hallway, asks her how long it’s been…Michonne tells him it happened “after everything happened.” Michonne tells Carl that she has never told anyone, until just now.

Carl is so sweet when he replies, “Your secret’s safe with me.”

“It’s not really a secret,” says Michonne.

Carl smiles, says, “It’s still safe with me.”  (Cute! I really love these two as buds.)

Then the sweet scene turned into a pink nightmare…the mom that had to shoot her four kids, then herself, in the heads to escape from the nightmare that the world had become. Let’s just scan through the pictures of that one and move on, shall we?

Michonne sees the scary painting, foreshadowing the horrible scene she is about to witness...

Michonne sees the scary painting, foreshadowing the horrible scene she is about to witness…

She enters Mae Mae's room and once again must bear witness to tragedy...

She enters Mae Mae’s room and once again must bear witness to tragedy…

“Shhhh…Mae Mae is sleeping!”

Two sons, I awful

Two sons, I think, or maybe a son and the dad…so awful.

And finally, the poor mom, who turned the gun on herself last...

And finally, the poor mom, who turned the gun on herself last..

Ugggh. Another artistically amazing scene, complete with haunting music by Bear McCreary, that messed me up for a bit.

I think about those kinds of scenes too much, dwell on them, like, “Maybe they were sleeping when she did it, but how could she shoot all four of them before they woke up? Maybe she drugged them, or poisoned them…ugh, she was probably crying when she did it.” I have an overactive imagination, people, and it doesn’t matter that it isn’t real…I still obsess.

Kendall-Jackson, take me away!

Michonne closes the door of the Pink Room of Horrors behind her and presses her back to it, blocking Carl from seeing this heartbreaking scene.  Once again, Michonne does exactly what needs to be done, as Carl says, “There’s a baby in there…” and quickly, Michonne says, “It’s a dog.”  Carl seems satisfied with this answer.

As they turn to go, Carl shyly ventures to Michonne that maybe Judith and Andre are together, somewhere.  Michonne smiles at this thought, says, “C’mon, it’s time to go.”

Meanwhile, back under the bed, the shit is getting even more fucked up and surreal as one of the other DTB’s strides into the bedroom and announces his rights to the bed that the other dude is napping in.  The current occupant of the bed replies that this bed is “claimed,” solving the mystery of the episode’s title.

A scuffle ensues, ending with one guy choking the other guy on the floor, who stares wide-eyed at Rick as Rick watches him, head cocked to the side, as the guy loses conciousness:


I love this look on his face as he watches the dude fade out

I love this look on his face as he watches the dude fade out.

I am not sure if the dude passes out or dies, but that seems like a bad call, choking your compadre to death, leaving his body on the floor, and taking a nap while he reanimates and chomps you in your sleep. Anyway, it is clear that these guys are total dicks. The other dude, the Mattress Victor, collapses into the bed, sinking the boxspring even deeper into poor Rick’s back. Christ!

Meanwhile, three hours away and counting, as Abraham’s truck hauls ass down the road, Glenn is freaking out.  Tara has just told him that they passed the bus three hours back, and everyone around it was dead.  Glenn is getting farther and farther away from Maggie, and he needs to get back.  He bangs on the back windshield of the truck, yelling for Abraham to stop. When that fails, Glenn takes the butt end of the rifle he is holding and rams it into the windshield…that gets Abraham’s attention.

The truck stops and Glenn gathers his things, begins to walk away from Abraham and Co., down the road.  Tara follows him, tells him she has written the directions on her hand and can get him back to the bus.

Tara is awesome, but I think her motivation more than anything is to try to make things right as much as she can, as she did play an active role in getting them so fucked up as they are now. She is having a hard time forgiving herself.

Abraham tries to impart some of his epic Abrahamisms on Glenn, to get him to abort his mission to find Maggie and help them with theirs. Abraham presents Eugene, the scientist who supposedly knows how the zombie mess all got started, and who is bringing the cure to Washington D.C., or at least his insights, anyway.

Until recently, Eugene and Abraham had been keeping contact with “the muckety-mucks” in Washington, but now, when they try to call the nation’s capitol, nobody is picking up.  Not a great sign.

Glenn is digesting this all, including Eugene’s telling him the walker cause/cure information is “confidential” when Glenn asks about it. It’s like, everything is just getting weirder and weirder all the time, and it’s like Glenn can’t really fight it anymore, so he’s just going with it.  

He tries to be cool, like, “Ok, well good luck with that, gotta go try to get back to my wife,” and Abraham turns on the hard-sell, some shit like, “It’s tough to watch the ones you love kick it,  but you don’t gotta go out like that.  Come save the world and do something with your life.”

And Glenn takes off his packs, turns to face Abraham:


And coldcocks Abraham! I love when Glenn goes off. Michael Cudlitz (Abraham) said on TD that the element of surprise got Glenn one good shot on a man who was much bigger than him.

And coldcocks Abraham! I love when Glenn goes off. Michael Cudlitz (Abraham) said on TD that the element of surprise got Glenn one good shot on a man who was much bigger than him.

Of course, Abraham does not let such acts go unchallenged.  He tackles Glenn, and is clearly winning the fight when Eugene calls to them that they have company:

Ummm, guys? Hello...!

“Ummm, guys? Hello…!”

Enter Walkers of the Corn!

Enter Walkers of the Corn!

Eugene tries to take matters into his own hands, fumbling with his assault rifle and basically shooting everything up around him except the walkers, including the gas tank of Abraham’s truck. D‘oh!

The gunfire alerts the gang, who abandon the fistfight and begin to join forces, shooting up the walkers together…they all look like badass warriors, except maybe Eugene…his mullet’s still pretty epic, though.


Once all the walkers are dead, Abraham sees their other problem:

“Son of a dick!” (Best line ever!)

Meanwhile, back at the DTB house, Rick has managed to slide quietly out from under the bed and creep into another room, the kid’s room that Carl had checked out in Episode 9, when they first got to the house.  Rick ducks into a small side room when one of the douchier, louder DTB’s comes into the room and stands just on the other side of Rick, bouncing a tennis ball between two windows…again, and again, and again.

Ugh, douchebag.  I mean, why? Why do that?  It’s fucking annoying, and I am not even really in the room.

Or…am I?

While that guy is working on claiming the title of The Douchiest Man Alive, Rick Grimes is claiming the title of The Hottest Man Alive as he waits…and listens…and monitors...and improvises.



Once again, Rick-In-Charge brings it, people.  Undetected by the ball-bouncing DMA, Rick stealths his way to the bathroom, and finds some big ol’ Downstairs Thug Boy sitting on the toilet seat, reading a comic or some shit.

I was thanking Baby Jesus that the toilet guy wasn’t getting down to some serious business in there, with his pants down, or the following scenes would have been super awkward:

Awww, dude...wrong place, wrong time, wrong man to be on the wrong side of...sux 4 u!

Awww, dudewrong place, wrong time, wrong man to be on the wrong side ofsux 4 u!

Here comes the beat down...

Here comes the beat down…


Rick doing what needs to be done.

As Rick grabs the man's gun and prepares to go out the bathroom window, he goes back to crack the door of the bathroom open, to set a

As Rick grabs the man’s gun and prepares to go out the bathroom window, he goes back to crack the door of the bathroom open, to set a “walker time bomb” onto the Downstairs Thug Boys once the dead guy reanimates…tactical genius, Rick Grimes-style!

Rick manages to get out onto the roof, with a shoulder pack and a gun…

So pimp, Deputy Grimes!

So pimp, Deputy Grimes!

(Doing his own stunts, Andrew Lincoln lowered himself from the roof in that scene, dropping onto the porch below…later, he said in an interview that the most distracting thing about shooting that scene was Norman Reedus mooning him  from below…those wacky hot guys!)

Rick ends up crouching beside the porch, with that loud douchey guy above him eating the crap outta some can of food. He’s so annoying, he’s even doing that loudly…rattling the damn fork against the sides of the can. (Baby Jesus, please make it stop!)  Rick peers around the corner and sees Carl and Michonne, walking up towards the house.

They are still some way away, so the loud DMA guy doesn’t see them, yet… Rick knows it’s now or never, grips his gun and reaches up, gripping the corner of the house, about to pull himself up and make his move when a scream comes from inside the house…it seems Rick’s “walker time bomb” has reanimated and make its presence known and is going nucking futs in the house…yes!  

Thank you, Baby Jesus!

The DMA guy drops his can and runs into the house, and Rick runs towards Carl and Michonne, tells them to run, which they do, away from the house.

Rick has done it, gotten away from the bad guys against almost impossible odds, and now he, Carl, and Michonne are able to haul ass out of there.

Let’s all give it up for Rick Grimes, ladies and gentlemen!

Meanwhile, hours north on the lonely road, flanked now by a dead truck on one side and dead corn walkers on the other, Abraham has just asked Eugene how the hell did he manage to kill his truck?

Eugene looks away, mumbles something about not quite being familiar with the weaponry…he’s lucky he has Abraham buying his story and serving as a burly-chested, fire-haired bodyguard.

Abraham even takes the barb as Eugene tells him, “Trust me, I’m smarter than you.”

Not when it comes to firing an assault rifle, you’re not, Eugene!


Rosita says, “Fuck this. I’m going with the young, hot people and follows Glenn and Tara.


Hey…wait for us!

I couldn't tell if there was a ghost of a secret smile on Eugene's face as they begin to follow Glenn and the gang...what's that guy up to? (I miss Milton!)

I couldn’t tell if there was a ghost of a secret smile on Eugene’s face as they begin to follow Glenn and the gang…what’s that guy up to? (P.S. I miss Milton!)

As they follow Glenn, Abraham goes along with it,  but does bitch to Tara about how they could be saving the world right now, instead of trying to find some guy’s wife.  She basically calls him out, tells him his bullshit won’t work on her.  Ha! I sense fun interactions ahead with these two.

Rick, Carl and Michonne are walking on the train tracks…they spot the banner for Sanctuary draped on a train car.  The banner boasts its trademark claim: “All who arrive survive.”

Michonne looks questioningly at Rick, who says immediately, “Let’s go.”

Man, it looks like on next week’s previews that Daryl and Beth are encountering some shit on their journey…if I think of it now, they seem to have headed in the opposite direction of the way to Sanctuarygulp!

Until next week, and enjoy the playlist:


Wax Tailor,  “Que sera”

Eddie Vedder, “Rise” (for Rick, and all the prison peeps)

Social Distortion, “So Far Away” (for Glenn and Maggie)